Heather, a resident of a Victorian aged care facility, describers a devastating experience where her budding romance was cut short by her own family.
Published in The Senior, the relationship which brought light and companionship to her life, was dismissed as “worthless” and “stupid” by those closest to her, leaving her heartbroken and questioning society’s attitudes toward love and intimacy in older age.
“They said it was ‘stupid at my age,’” Heather wrote. “But what hurt the most was how easily they could control our relationship – devoid of feeling, love, or passion.”
Heather’s story began during the “winter stage” of her life, a time when responsibilities had been fulfilled, dreams chased, and passions thought spent.
In the seemingly bleak environment of the aged care home, she unexpectedly found a spark of romance with another resident. “We shared stories from the past, but also began dreaming of new experiences – something that gave life meaning again,” she explained.
Although hesitant at first, the two slowly grew closer. “The touch of his hand felt like a connection of souls,” Heather said. “When he kissed me, I felt beautiful and valued – like a person again.”
Their love blossomed quietly, with stolen kisses in the corridors and hands held in the darkness of the night.
Yet, their happiness was short-lived. “Well-meaning” staff members alerted their families, and what followed was crushing. Furious phone calls were made, with family members condemning the relationship as pointless at their age. Soon, Heather and her partner were physically separated and the joy they had found in each other was abruptly taken away.
“Our love was like a butterfly – so beautiful, but so fragile,” Heather reflected. “The families stopped our relationship as if it was nothing. But for us, it was everything. It gave us life again.”
A Deeper Issue: Autonomy and the Right to Love
Heather’s experience highlights a deeper issue within aged care – how relationships, love, and intimacy are often overlooked or discouraged. Gwenda Darling, a member of the Aged Care Council of Elders, echoes Heather’s frustrations.
Gwenda has long advocated for the sexual rights and autonomy of aged care residents, arguing that even in care settings, personal desires and relationships should be respected.
“Too often, older people are denied the right to intimacy,” Gwenda explained. “The discomfort around these issues leads to shaming, isolation and even [the] physical separation of residents who form connections.”
She believes society must challenge outdated attitudes that strip older adults of their autonomy. “Love and intimacy are fundamental parts of being human, regardless of age,” she emphasised.
A Plea for Change
For Heather, the pain of losing her relationship lingers, but she hopes sharing her story will spark a conversation about the importance of love and connection at every stage of life.
“We are more than just residents. We are people – people who feel, love and need to connect,” Heather wrote. “May the day come when love in the elderly is accepted as part of living and ageing.”
Heather’s story is a powerful reminder that passion and companionship don’t fade with age. It’s time for families, carers, and aged care providers to recognise that romance is not only possible in later life but essential to emotional wellbeing.
As Heather so eloquently said, “No matter what the future holds, we will always feel like emotional and tactile beings. Those feelings never die.”
SOURCE: Hello Care
