The Golden Rule, treating others as you want to be treated, is one of the oldest and most universally agreed upon moral principles in human history.
But according to the U.S. 2023 National Parent Survey on Raising Good Kids , very few children today are learning about the Golden Rule. In fact, less than one in five parents (14%) said they use the Golden Rule with their children at all, and over a quarter of all parents (28%) said they were unfamiliar with the meaning of the Golden Rule.
What Happened To The Golden Rule?
The 2023 survey was designed to better understand how parents are responding to a multitude of challenges that previous generations never encountered, ranging from social media to political polarisation. The survey was a nationally representative group of over one thousand U.S. parents with children between ages six and 18 and it was conducted in both English and Spanish.
The findings suggest that parents care about character, which we define as “goodness in action.” For example, honesty, responsibility, and respect were the top three core values parents wanted their children to care most about.
In addition, almost seven out of 10 parents (68%) said that they could emphasise the importance of character more intentionally to their children. Not surprisingly, half of all parents are concerned that their children will make the same mistakes they made in life.
So why aren’t parents talking about the Golden Rule? We’ve spent hours exchanging ideas on the possible reasons that might explain these startling results. We talked to experts. We asked our colleagues, friends, and family members – across generations – for their insight and perspective. Here are five reasons why we think so few parents use the Golden Rule phrase when talking to their children.
1. The Golden Rule Is An Arcane, “Old-Timey” Term
Every generation has taken its turn throwing certain words or phrases into the dustbin of history. For example, when was the last time you heard the word “chivalry” or the expression “a stitch in time saves nine”? Language evolves and changes. It’s possible that parents today prefer to use other terms and phrases to teach and reinforce the behaviour that embodies the Golden Rule (such as empathy, fairness, and respect).
2. Different Cultures Use Other Terms
While the wisdom captured in the Golden Rule has long been hailed as a universal principle found in all religions, there is no evidence that the term itself is widely used across all cultures. In African cultures, the idea of respect and reciprocity is enshrined in the term ubuntu. At the core of the Confucian ethic is the term zhongshu (to refrain from actions that may upset or hurt others). And while Al-Ghazali, one of the most influential Muslim scholars, wrote tirelessly about the Golden Rule, there are several other phrases and expressions in Islam that express the importance of justice, compassion, altruism, and being a good neighbour. It’s possible that while the ideal of the Golden Rule may still be important, different cultural and ethnic groups in our nation are increasingly using other terms.
3. We Are Living In A “Me-First” Society
Some scholars suggest we’re in the throes of an epidemic of narcissism and that youth are more entitled today.
In addition, we know from research conducted by Making Caring Common that while many parents report wanting their children to be “kind and caring,” their kids think what’s most important to their parents is getting good grades. And let’s not forget the impact of social media and how these platforms trigger “social comparison” emotions such as jealousy and envy – far more than expressions of kindness or helping. It’s possible the scarcity of the Golden Rule is because our society has become more self-centred.
4. The Taproots Of “Community” Are Disappearing
The book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam describes the collapse of what has historically been a hallmark of American society: our close-knit communities. Putnam documents that Americans in the 21st century have far fewer connections and social networks than previous generations. Fewer block parties. Fewer people attend houses of worship. Fewer children participate in Little League, the Girl Scouts, and numerous other civic institutions. In short, it’s possible the bonding and social connections that have historically been essential to the practice of the Golden Rule are dramatically eroding across the United States.
5. The Problem Is “Other People’s Children”
We asked parents in our survey about the behaviour of their children, as well as children in general. While almost four out of 10 parents (38%) reported that their child had lied to them within the past six months and 42% said that their child had recently been disrespectful to others, parents seem to be far more concerned about the behaviour of other people’s children.
Nine out of 10 believe that children today do not treat others with respect. As high as 85% say that children today are not honest, and 83% say that children today only care about themselves. It’s possible the reason why parents do not talk to their children about the Golden Rule is that they have a blind spot and think the problem is other children, not their own.
The Future Of The Golden Rule
Why does it matter that the Golden Rule may be disappearing if children are still being taught at home and at school the principles of empathy, fairness, and respect? Our deeper concern is whether these taproots of the Golden Rule are also endangered. These are the core values and character strengths that bring to life the Golden Rule. For example, one study found that when students thought about the Golden Rule, it reminded them of the importance of love, respect, and helping others. We can’t accept a future where these seeds of goodness have also been thrown into the dustbin of history.
The Golden Rule needs a rebrand – a new story, a new logo, a new tagline, and well-known athletes and musicians eager to give it a voice. We’re committed to creating a future where people of all ages are treating others as they want to be treated. The Golden Rule elevates the ideals of selflessness and love essential to a future grounded in the pursuit of justice, peace, and compassion. Let’s make the Golden Rule cool.
