Supporting a friend or family member with an anxiety disorder can be challenging, especially when you’re concerned that your words or actions might unintentionally worsen their anxiety.
However, if someone has confided in you about their struggles, it’s a sign of trust.
Sometimes, simply being there to listen can be incredibly healing.
“Friends and family play a crucial role in helping someone cope with anxiety by providing a sense of support, acceptance, and reassurance that they are not alone,” explains Karol Darsa, PsyD, a trauma psychologist and founder of the Reconnect Center in Los Angeles.
This support is vital, as many individuals with anxiety avoid discussing their experiences due to stigma, leading to feelings of isolation and heightened anxiety over time. “Anxiety is a legitimate condition that can be treated. Dismissing it as unimportant can exacerbate stigma, which may discourage individuals from seeking help,” says Benjamin F. Miller, PsyD, a primary care psychologist at Stanford University School of Medicine.
Here are some effective ways to support a loved one dealing with anxiety, according to experts:
1. Validate Their Feelings
Acknowledge that it’s okay for them to not feel okay. People with anxiety often wrestle with overwhelming fears and worries, and it’s important to affirm their feelings. “Even if you don’t fully understand their experience, let them know their feelings are valid,” Dr. Miller advises. “Being supportive means listening without judgement.”
2. Avoid Saying “Calm Down”
While it may seem harmless, telling someone with anxiety to simply “calm down” can feel dismissive. They may appear composed, but internally they might be struggling with intense fear and physical symptoms. Instead, offer support by saying, “I’m here to talk if you need to share what’s on your mind,” or “I see you’re feeling anxious. How can I help?”
3. Help Them Identify Controllable Aspects
Anxiety can amplify small issues into daunting challenges. Instead of denying their concerns, engage them in a conversation about what they can control. “Discuss what aspects of their situation they can influence,” Miller suggests. This can help them gain perspective and process their feelings more effectively.
4. Introduce New Coping Strategies
Support your loved one by learning about effective coping techniques together. For example, practising grounding exercises can help redirect their focus from anxiety to the present moment. One exercise involves observing their environment and naming:
- Five things they see
- Four things they feel
- Three things they hear
- Two things they smell
- One thing they taste
Encouraging them to consider options like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can also be beneficial, as it has been shown to effectively reduce anxiety symptoms.
5. Discourage Substance Use as a Coping Mechanism
Many individuals with anxiety may turn to alcohol or drugs to cope. However, this can lead to long-term issues, including substance use disorders. If you’re concerned about their substance use, gently express your observations without judgement. “Listen to them and discuss what’s happening,” Miller recommends.
Encourage healthier coping methods such as mindfulness, meditation, and exercise. If you notice signs of a potential substance use disorder, suggest they reach out to a mental health professional.
Conclusion
Being present, validating feelings, and listening can significantly help someone with an anxiety disorder feel less isolated and more understood. Rather than telling them to “calm down,” focus on supporting them in practising coping strategies and recognising what they can control. Encourage healthier outlets for managing anxiety and facilitate connections to professional help if needed. Your support can make a real difference in their journey.
